Saying “I love you,” is probably the scariest moment in a new, young, honeymoon-phase relationship. Or is it just me? Am I a commitment-phobe? Guilty as charged.
Either way, I’ve only said it to a very small, select group of guys, and I can tell you that no, ladies and gentlemen watching at home, it does not get easier. Literally every single time, it’s all sweaty palms and racing heartbeat and a stomach flip RIGHT BEFORE YOU SAY IT that feels a lot like the fantastic cliff-jump at the end of “Thelma and Louise.”
Of course, I can’t give anyone an exact list of “Things That Should Happen So You Know When To Say Those Three Little Words.” Life doesn’t work like that, and especially not relationships. There is no mapping it out or planning ahead of time, something with which my OCD self isn’t quite okay.
The first time a guy told me he loved me, we were watching a Shia LeBeouf movie ("Eagle Eye," maybe?) on the couch in his basement with a missing door, so the entire house could walk in and out if they so pleased (they so pleased all right, sneaky bunch). It was sweet and in the middle of a sentence. Literally. He just blurted it out right after, “Don’t you like this movie?”
Well, color me unprepared. It was a shock. I honestly hadn’t felt like that before; I had been pondering “love” for a few weeks or so, but we were only four months into our relationship ... wasn’t it supposed to happen a lot slower than this? Am I in love? Is this what love feels like? Is this how it’s supposed to be in movies? Do “grown-ups” feel like this? (I was 16. So sue me for the soul-searching.)
Stop. Lesson Number One? Eliminate “supposed to be” from your vocabulary. Nothing in your relationship is “supposed to be” like anything else. Unless you feel hurt or violated, don’t compare what you have to what Allie and Noah had or what Prince Charming and Cinderella got goin’ on. What you have is unique, and “supposed to be” statements make you forget that. Once you get rid of those pesky things, you can start to understand if you should take the three-word-plunge.
Lesson Number Two: Now that you’re not second-guessing every little thing about your relationship anymore, how do you feel? For me, I know I’m in love when I accidentally say it, because I value those three little words a lot. If I have to stop myself from saying, “I love you,” at the end of a phone call, I might have to sit down with that person and hash it out, so to speak. It all depends on how you view those words -- to some people, they’re a huge deal (that’s me), and to others, they’re a fun next-step in a relationship (also totally okay).
Bottom line, it’s all about what you’re comfortable with (like everything else in a good relationship) and not what society or friends have to say about it.
And if you’re not sure you feel the same way but accidentally say it back because you’re so shocked the first time? (because I’ve NEVER done THAT *cough cough*)
Oh, honey. I’ll need to write a whole other article for you.
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