Dating: Out of Your League? Maybe Not

I was never a firm believer in “leagues.” Call me crazy, call me a Cinderella-wannabe, call me a true supporter of Troy and Gabriella’s love in the "High School Musical" franchise.

I am definitely all of those things. I just don’t think leagues exist anymore. Do they? I mean, they certainly played a role in my current relationship: he thought I was out of his league, I thought he was out of mine, we tip-toed around each other for months trying to guess how the other felt ... it was exhausting!

Why all the fuss? Why all the labels? Haven’t we reached the stage of mature emotional development where we can just stride confidently up to the guy we’ve been secretly crushing on and say, “You, me, the new Quentin Tarantino movie next weekend?”

Even I, the fearless league-jumper that I am, know that status does play a somewhat important role in who you end up going after. Knowing that the guy would probably say yes if I asked him out definitely helped in my past dating endeavors; I knew he wouldn’t say no because I was either in his league or above it. And that sounds terribly arrogant ... but isn’t it the truth?

It sounds silly, but I’ve always dated guys who were quieter, a little dorky and definitely what some people would classify as brainiacs. I was attracted to their smarts, charm, and personality. They were also all very cute. And they played soccer or pole-vaulted. So they weren’t exactly traditional Calculus-loving dorks. They were just really intelligent guys who didn’t know how much of a catch they were. I thought that factor was sweet.

A little part of me did acknowledge that, yes, perhaps I was a little, teeny-tiny bit out of their league. And that might have made things easier. I’m not proud to admit it, especially because I want to say that leagues don’t matter and that we shouldn’t pay attention to them and we should just chase after what we want.

I guess it helps to be realistic, too, right? I don’t know, I’m still hung up on the concept of leagues myself. Usually leagues don’t matter to me when I have a crush on a guy; I imagine I can be successful in asking him out regardless of social status or clique. Maybe I pick the guy based on the league. Is the idea of “being in or out of someone’s league” so ingrained in us that we just instantly know who we can and cannot have a potential relationship with?

Are we censoring out potential options just because we instinctively think we don’t have a chance?

I’m still wrestling with this topic because it doesn’t seem so black and white. I love the Cinderella story of the football player and the musical star. I used to watch "Beauty and the Geek" religiously, but does that even happen anymore? Do fairytales even exist? Will I ever stop asking rhetorical questions?
The jury is still out on this one, ladies. Or maybe this topic’s just out of my league.

Leave me some advice in the comments? I’d love to know your opinions about this one; it’s a doozy.

By: Alise Murawski | Image: Source


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