Moving On From A Relationship: Why Is It So Hard to Start Over?

I’m currently sitting in my backyard, and a storm is about come in, but I don’t really mind. In fact, I find it a little bit symbolic with what I am trying to write here. I’ve been trying to muster up some article about moving on and starting over, as if those two things are simple to do.

Moving on and starting over are two things I’ve never been very good at, so I don’t want to write up some mushy gushy “believe in yourself and move forward” kind of article because it really isn’t how I feel or what I think.

I’ve been trying to move on for quite a while now with no success. Part of this backslide is probably due to the fact that I am back home and so many memories and people are here that I haven’t thought about or haven’t seen in quite some time. And so, I find myself reflecting on and remembering everything and realizing that the person I was when I left home last summer isn’t the same person sitting in my backyard now.

But that isn’t a bad thing, and I don’t want you to think it’s a bad thing either if you are finding yourself in a similar situation as mine.

“Moving on” holds so much finality to me, and much of moving on has to deal with someone rather than something. In most cases, that someone is still present in your life, too. He or she might live right down the street, so it is really impossible to never see them again, and it’s certainly impossible never to think of them again.

So how on Earth is it even reasonable to think that we can ever truly move on? That is the question I have been asking myself for weeks. And to be completely honest with you, I don’t have an answer.

Words that I have been living by though is that “Everything Happens for a Reason.” We may not know the reason today, we may not know it tomorrow or months from now, but there is a reason and it will be clear one day. Some may call that train of thinking as positivity, but I call it being hopeful.

I believe the best way to face the daunting task of moving on is to really sit down and think. Think about how you feel. Think about what you want. Think about how things were. Think about how you wish things could be. Think about if there is anything you can do with the situation you’re in. Think about if what you are going through is something you want to continue to go through. Think about if you’re happy. And if you’re not happy, think about how you can be happy again.

The hardest realization will probably be this: YOU can only make yourself happy. Your happiness may seem to be at the expense of someone else’s actions or words, but in reality you are the only person who decides whether or not you’re happy today and the days to come. Trust me, that’s harder to accept than you may think.

When it comes to moving on, I fail the most because I find myself chasing an impossibility. I chase after the idea that the person I am trying to move on from will change. I hope that he or she will turn back into the person I loved. I foolishly believe that maybe just maybe, there is a chance that they will stop looking like a stranger and will start looking and being the person I always thought I knew. The thing is though, I have absolutely no control over that person. I cannot make them change back, just like I couldn’t prevent them from changing in the first place.

What you and I can do though is chase a possibility. You can focus on something you can control, and you can control yourself moving on.

After all, moving on doesn’t require knowing whether or not he really meant it when he told you he loved you last night. Moving on doesn’t require knowing whether that childhood friend of yours really wants to know what you are up to these days.

Moving on only requires loving yourself and knowing you deserve so much better and that better will only come if you start chasing the possible.

This is definitely not the easiest road to take, and if you fall back it’s okay. Moving on is a process, and it’s so extremely hard not to hold on to someone who has meant so much to you for so long, even though all they do is let you down.

So, that is my philosophy on this whole idea of moving on. There isn’t a right or a wrong, there is no script to follow, no particular steps to take ... and yes, I agree that is frustrating.

But isn’t that the point? All this frustration and pain will make us stronger somehow, right? Maybe it’s hard to see it all now, but it will be clear one day.

And let me tell you one last thing: you are so strong to realize you need to move on from someone or something. I am proud of you for seeing that.

We will be strong together.

This article is a part of Kaity's column focusing on dating and relationships in college.

By: Kaity Martin | Image: Source


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