Dating: Can We Work Backwards?
This is an issue that’s been coming up since my friends and I fanned out across the country and started college. Inevitably, one of us would go to a party, meet a cute guy, end up hooking up, and then, instead of hiding our faces in shame and agony at our trashy ways (not), actually wanted to date the guy.
The same goes for some of my guy friends. They’ve met a girl, hooked up, and then hesitated because they actually saw the relationship going beyond Funky Fresh Friends with Benefits.
Can we do that? Is it smart? It goes against everything we’re supposed to do when we want to date someone. Doesn’t “giving it up” on the first date (or anything more than a kiss goodnight) make us less likely to get a second date?
I mean, in theory, if you really like someone that you’ve hooked up with, a relationship should follow, right? But in all of the cases involving my friends, that hasn’t been the case. In fact, none of the potential hook-ups became serious relationships.
It might have something to do with the assumption that if we sleep with someone immediately, we’ve given up all mystery in the relationship. That’s it, it’s awwwwwllll gone, and it’s downhill from here. But, in accordance with that assumption, every relationship is just a build-up of stepping stones to sex. And you and I both know, adorable College Gloss reader, that that’s just not the case.
So what is it? Are we really just not pursuing relationships with people we hook up with because we don’t think they can carry over? And why not? Lots of people sleep together on the first date. But then again, hooking up after a party isn’t exactly a first date. Are we punishing potential relationships by hooking up with potential partners? Or are we just living that free and easy college life, exploring our options?
I’m afraid this article has left me with more questions than answers...
Help a confused columnist out: Can you start dating backwards? Do initial hookups hurt a potential relationship? Why or why not? Answer in the comments!!
By: Alise Murawski | Image: Source