Well the day has come; your best friend’s boyfriend is now officially her ex. Before you go rile up your crew of girls to hunt him down and make him pay, remember that right now is the time to be the ultimate best friend. It’s not going to be easy for either of you, since there are no real rules in how to mend a broken heart. Here are some ‘Breakup Guidelines’ to help you get your friend from feeling miserable to being single and ready to mingle!
If She Dumped Him: For one reason or another, your bestie decided to dump her beau, and you have probably been riding this heartbreak wave ever since she started to think about breaking up with him. After she takes the big step and follows through with ending the relationship, there are a few things you can do to help her mend her broken heart:
1. Make sure she remembers WHY she broke up with him.
After breaking up, the idea of being single again can seem very lonely and scary. Your friend will be in a vulnerable state where she might fall back on her decisions. If she starts to regret breaking up with her ex, sit down with her and reflect on why she broke up with him in the first place. Sometimes just remembering why she took the actions she did will be reinforcement that she made the right decision.
2. Reassure her that there is someone out there who will treat her better.
Your heartbroken friend will most likely be swimming in a pool of memories that she made with her ex-boyfriend. You may have to reel her in from the “happy days” of a relationship that is long gone. Let her know that there are about 3.4 billion men in the world, so there are plenty of fish in the sea. And as sappy as this might sound, a lot of those “fish” that you catch need to be thrown back because they just don’t treat you the way you deserve.
3. Help her keep the distance from her ex.
Once your friend changes her status from “in a relationship” to “single” on good ol’ Facebook, encourage her to possibly restrict the content she sees from her ex or even unfriend him all together. Going through old pictures and old conversations whether on the Internet or on her phone will only make it easier for her to reach out to him when everything is too fresh and emotions are too high.
If She Got Dumped: Whether it was out of the blue or she saw it coming, your friend getting dumped will not make the healing process that easy. Prepare yourself to be patient and level-headed, as she will be emotional and full of questions. Although the challenge of helping your friend get over this sudden heartbreak might seem daunting, here are a few ideas of how you can help her smile through this mess:
1. Make her a heartbreak gift box.
Grab an empty shoebox and decorate it with cutouts from her favorite magazines, funny pictures of you and her together and lyrics from her favorite Taylor Swift songs. It really doesn’t matter what you put on there; just make the box scream her name. Then fill it with chocolate, a new magazine, or my personal favorite, a container of taco dip. All those goodies in a beautiful box? That will be sure to make her smile. (It certainly made me smile... you two know who you are, thank you)!
2. Cry it out.
It isn’t glamorous, and when the chocolate stash dwindles down and the whole reality of your friend getting dumped hits her again ... just let her know she can let it out. Watching your friend cry, or anyone cry for that matter, isn’t a very comfortable position. But sometimes the best relief can come from a good cry. So grab some tissues, lend her your shoulder, and don’t be alarmed if you find your sleeve soaking wet from her tears. Let her know that crying isn’t a weakness; it’s a strength to be able to feel such deep emotions and to be able to let them out.
3. Get her out of the house.
If you know your friend is sitting alone in her bed scrolling through the never-ending pictures of cute couples on Tumblr while crying into her bowl of cereal, then you need to get her out of that house. Even if this means dragging her butt out of bed with her arms flailing around in protest. Pick out a cute outfit, do her makeup, make her feel beautiful even if she feels like crap. Then roll the windows down, pump some Demi Lovato songs through your radio, (I recommend Demi’s song "I Really Don’t Care" feat. Cher Lloyd), and drive around town. Get her mind off her broken heart. Even if it’s for just a few hours, it will mean a lot to her in the long run.
Just being by your friend’s side through such a tough transition in her life will really help her move forward. No matter the type of breakup, always listen, ask her how she is doing, and make sure she knows that she’s strong.
The last point is something I find really important. Strength is often not seen in the eyes of the beholder. Or in other words, your friend may fail to see how strong she is in going through all the emotions and pain of a break up. So let her know that she is so strong, even if she says she feels so weak.
I’ve found that we become our strongest when we feel our weakest. And the best companions in life are the ones who help you heal even if they aren’t the ones who hurt you.
So go be that companion, that best friend, that healer, and let your friend know that sometimes we all need to kiss a lot of frogs before we find our prince.
By: Kaity Martin | Image: Source